Monday, April 14, 2008

Nine Months

So Sage is nine months old. A milestone, she have now lived outside of my body for longer than she lived inside. It makes me think back to the day she was born. It started the day before with a somewhat routine ultrasound. It was a nice sunny morning as I drove into town for the scan. I stopped for a coffee, as I usually did. I was excited I loved getting a view at her. After the scan I went home, napped and took the kids swimming. When i got to the car there was a message for me to call Sylvia (my midwife) as soon as possible. It was urgent. My heart sank. This could not be good. She told my amniotic fluid was low. Too low. Sage's head had not grown in the last week. I was being sectioned in the morning. Tears ran down my face. I was in the parking lot of the grocery store. Maddie wanted to know what was wrong. I told her, "Don't worry sweetie, it is ok mommy is going to have her baby tomorrow. It is good" But it was not what I was thinking. I longed, prayed and had hoped for a *normal* birth. I did not want a surgical one. It was not in my control. I had to let go. I had to make peace. I did not want the birth of my beautiful baby to be negative. It had to be positive. I prayed for peace and He gave me peace.

The next morning was Maddie's last swimming lesson so I decided to take her. I was filled with nervousness and excitement I need an output.

After swimming lessons we went home and I kisses Morgan and Maddie and went off to have my baby. When Ii got to the hospital Sylvia was waiting. It was great she knew exactly how I was feeling. She knew how I had longed to push this baby from my body. She knew, and having her there was a blessing. I was not really nervous anymore. i was not going to have a vaginal birth. iw as having a C/S and at that point I wanted to shout "Let's get this show on the road" On the way down to the OD Sage was wiggling like crazy-she wanted out too. I tried hard to memorize that feeling of a baby moving inside of me. I knew I would not feel it again.

They pushed me into the freezing cold ER. Everyone one in a jovial mood, it was like a party. It was a party. A party for me and Sage. Todd came in once they were ready and all of a sudden she was here!!

I was so excited. Joy filled and head over heels in love. Sage was here. She was perfect. I was not thinking that I did not have the birth I wanted at that moment. I did not have the birth I had wanted but I crossed the same finish line. The prize was the same. She had to go to the nursery, and I to recovery. I knew it would not be long and Sylvia would bring her down to recovery so we could nurse. I do not have a picture of that first nursing session. Still it is forever imprinted in my mind, as one of the best moment of my life. My baby less than an hour old eagerly nursed at my breast. It was perfect. Time stood still. She nursed for almost half an hour and then we returned to our room.

Soon after Maddie and Morgan arrived to meet their little sister. There are no words for that joy in watching your *bigs* meet the baby. They were both just so happy and proud.

It was a perfect day. I could not of asked for a more perfect day. Yes, nine months later I still long to birth the way I envisioned. I wish I knew what it was like to push a baby from my body. but my births were what they were. They were meant for me. I do not know why, but I know there is a reason. It is for Him to know.

Happy Nine month baby Sage....

Thursday, April 3, 2008

So it happened. I got the question. "Are you still nursing her?" First inside I was jumping with joy-I have struggled so much and have made it to the point where somebody thought I was weird for nursing her to 8 1/2 months. Second I was stunned. Is this what kind of society that we live in? What do comments like this mean. I did not ask her why she asked, because I did not have time for a discussion, but obviously she thought Sage did not need to nurse anymore. Odd, she is eight months she still needs nutrition and if she was not getting it from the breast she would be getting it from an artificial nipple. Which in fact she does have to to meet her nutritional need. But even as a mother who HAS to use formula I know it is not the best choice. Breast milk is best. So why is it ok to criticize a mom for nursing *too long* but unacceptable to criticize for a mom quiting to providing breast milk for her child?

I would even be criticized for using "quit providing breast milk" rather than "choosing to bottle feed." But when a mom stops breastfeeding before the baby is ready that is what she is doing. Quiting. Babies do not wean at six weeks , mothers quit. It is proven than breast milk is superior. It is recommended that babies be exclusively breastfeed for six moths and then to continue in to the second year of their life. At least. So why do many moms choose to not breast feed. Some becasue they want their freedom, and they want their body back. For some it is a challenge and they are not wanting to persevere. it is too hard. They tried. It did not work. I do not personally buy this at face value. I know what some women consider trying. Few women are unable to exclusively breastfeed, even fewer are unable to at least offer some breast milk. It is not always easy, but not everything good is easy.

So am I still nursing my daughter. Yep, and I do not see myself stopping anytime soon.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Magnum Opus

Coco is over eight months old, Morgan is three and Maddie will soon be seven. It seems like just yesterday I was holding Maddie as a new baby. Remember when you were a kid how s l o w time seemed to go. Now the days are long but the weeks are fast. I try so hard to savor it. I spend as much time as i can holding Sage and playing with the kids but it is still going to fast.

My kids are my Magnum Opus. Each of them so perfect to me. I wish time would slow down.

Well I have to take Maddie to school...but I will be back. Have to get back to blogging so I will have something to look back on as time flies.