Monday, April 14, 2008

Nine Months

So Sage is nine months old. A milestone, she have now lived outside of my body for longer than she lived inside. It makes me think back to the day she was born. It started the day before with a somewhat routine ultrasound. It was a nice sunny morning as I drove into town for the scan. I stopped for a coffee, as I usually did. I was excited I loved getting a view at her. After the scan I went home, napped and took the kids swimming. When i got to the car there was a message for me to call Sylvia (my midwife) as soon as possible. It was urgent. My heart sank. This could not be good. She told my amniotic fluid was low. Too low. Sage's head had not grown in the last week. I was being sectioned in the morning. Tears ran down my face. I was in the parking lot of the grocery store. Maddie wanted to know what was wrong. I told her, "Don't worry sweetie, it is ok mommy is going to have her baby tomorrow. It is good" But it was not what I was thinking. I longed, prayed and had hoped for a *normal* birth. I did not want a surgical one. It was not in my control. I had to let go. I had to make peace. I did not want the birth of my beautiful baby to be negative. It had to be positive. I prayed for peace and He gave me peace.

The next morning was Maddie's last swimming lesson so I decided to take her. I was filled with nervousness and excitement I need an output.

After swimming lessons we went home and I kisses Morgan and Maddie and went off to have my baby. When Ii got to the hospital Sylvia was waiting. It was great she knew exactly how I was feeling. She knew how I had longed to push this baby from my body. She knew, and having her there was a blessing. I was not really nervous anymore. i was not going to have a vaginal birth. iw as having a C/S and at that point I wanted to shout "Let's get this show on the road" On the way down to the OD Sage was wiggling like crazy-she wanted out too. I tried hard to memorize that feeling of a baby moving inside of me. I knew I would not feel it again.

They pushed me into the freezing cold ER. Everyone one in a jovial mood, it was like a party. It was a party. A party for me and Sage. Todd came in once they were ready and all of a sudden she was here!!

I was so excited. Joy filled and head over heels in love. Sage was here. She was perfect. I was not thinking that I did not have the birth I wanted at that moment. I did not have the birth I had wanted but I crossed the same finish line. The prize was the same. She had to go to the nursery, and I to recovery. I knew it would not be long and Sylvia would bring her down to recovery so we could nurse. I do not have a picture of that first nursing session. Still it is forever imprinted in my mind, as one of the best moment of my life. My baby less than an hour old eagerly nursed at my breast. It was perfect. Time stood still. She nursed for almost half an hour and then we returned to our room.

Soon after Maddie and Morgan arrived to meet their little sister. There are no words for that joy in watching your *bigs* meet the baby. They were both just so happy and proud.

It was a perfect day. I could not of asked for a more perfect day. Yes, nine months later I still long to birth the way I envisioned. I wish I knew what it was like to push a baby from my body. but my births were what they were. They were meant for me. I do not know why, but I know there is a reason. It is for Him to know.

Happy Nine month baby Sage....


Lindsay said...

Happy Nine Months, Sage!!! (((((((Mama))))))))

Dana said...

awwww thanks for sharing

Ash said...

What a heartfelt story (all misty here) and beautiful pics! Thanks for sharing that part of your heart! <3